


I'm Not Hungry

by destieltrash (orphan_account)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Gen, High School AU, I don't really know - Freeform, Minor Eating Disorder, i think, if eating disorders trigger you don't read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 04:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5694907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/destieltrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Food is kind of gross to Raven. </p><p>She's just glad nobody's got her figured out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Hungry

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't really an eating disorder, i don't think, it's probably just a side affect of depression. i don't know, though. this whole thing is me projecting on raven, and i know exactly jack shit about this topic anyway. if someone could comment and tell me what the hell i'm doing that would be good

Raven never brought lunch to school. It was her thing. She didn't bring lunch, she just mooched off all her friends. 

She sat in the cafeteria with Clarke and Bellamy and all the rest, laughing and joking with them. Clarke was peeling an orange, and Raven immediately grabbed a piece. As long as she didn't think about the food she was putting in her mouth, it was fine. 

"Hey, Raven, fuck off!" Bellamy slapped her hand away from his tater tots. She snatched one anyway and popped it in her mouth. She chewed it and then gave him a big grin, showing off the contents of her mouth. 

Bellamy grimaced. "You're disgusting."

"Love ya," Raven replied. Jasper and Monty were laughing. Clarke looked like she was trying not to. Octavia was busily texting under the table. 

"When are you gonna bring lunch, Raven?" asked Monty. "Seriously. Bellamy might have a stroke if you keep stealing his."

Raven shrugged. "I don't have time."

"Pack it the night before," suggested Clarke. They'd had this conversation many times. 

Raven pretended to consider it. "But I have homework." The grease from the tater tots coated the insides of her mouth and throat, making it difficult to swallow. 

"You always do your homework on the bus," Octavia pointed out. 

"We have this conversation every other day. We just have to face it: Raven is never, ever bringing her own lunch," Jasper broke in tiredly. 

"Good man," Raven said cheerfully. The stolen tater tots lay heavy in her stomach, making it ache. "Now give me your Oreos." Jasper frowned but handed her two.

Octavia eyed her. "Raven, how do you even get through the day? All you eat all day is whatever you can steal from us."

"That would be enough to feed a king," Monty interrupted. "Bellamy's tater tots and Jasper's Oreos, at least, every day."

"That's not a meal," Octavia said. Raven laughed. 

"Chill out. I have big dinners. It's cute of you to worry, though."

Octavia let it go, much to Raven's relief. Quickly, Raven turned the subject to Jasper's newest project. Jasper could talk about them for hours, and he kept them all bored stupid (and not talking about Raven's eating habits) until lunch ended. 

 

It was last period biology. Raven didn't like biology, really, but it was better than English. 

Absentmindedly, under her loose shirt, her left hand pinched and pulled at the small roll of fat at her belly. Equally as idly, her right hand doodled at the top of her page. 

Her stomach was hurting from all she'd eaten during lunch. Raven had eaten nearly half of Bellamy's tater tots. He always got so many. 

Raven always got a stomachache after eating too much. 

"What are you doing?" Raven startled and looked up. Octavia was staring at her expectantly.

"What?"

"What are you doing?" Octavia repeated with a pointed glance user the table. Raven dropped her hand to her lap and squeezed her thigh. 

"Nothing."

Octavia raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing, you little prick. Do your work," Raven whispered. Octavia rolled her eyes but obeyed. 

Damn that kid and her ridiculous observance. She was too smart for her own good. There was a reason she was in the eleventh grade biology instead of with her own grade. 

Raven exercised substantial effort not to put her hand to her belly again for fear Octavia would notice. 

 

Raven took the bus home with the Blakes, but today, she pretended to stay at the library doing work to avoid Octavia. 

She wasn't sure why she was avoiding Octavia, exactly. It wasn't like she had something to hide. It wasn't like Raven was one of those girls who ate nothing but a stalk of celery all day because of a fear of the scale. Raven wasn't one of those girls who stuck their fingers down their throat because of models in Victoria's Secret magazines. 

Raven had nothing to fucking hide. 

She just wasn't hungry. 

It was just that food kind of made her nauseous. 

It wasn't a big deal, really. She ate. She was healthy. 

Raven realized she had been staring at one sentence in her textbook for twenty minutes. 

Letting out a heavy sigh, Raven stood up. The Blakes were probably on their way home by now. 

Raven waited at the bus stop for almost forty minutes because it was snowing out. 

Figures, Raven thought bitterly. Someone realizes it on the coldest day of the fucking year. 

Raven corrected herself quickly. There was nothing to realize. Raven was fine. 

Raven imposed a strict no thinking policy on herself all the way home. 

 

Her mother, thank God, wasn't home. When Raven was younger, she used to wish her mom would come home more often. Her mom would come home drunk, smack Raven around a bit, and pass out for a while. 

Raven had learned to be thankful when her mother wasn't home. 

Raven grabbed a tangerine on her way to her room. She hadn't had breakfast, but she'd had a big lunch, so a small dinner made sense. Balance it out. 

Raven's phone buzzed in her pocket and she checked it, peeling the tangerine slowly. 

Octavia:  
u ok?

Me:  
fine  
y

Octavia:  
idk  
u didn't eat much today

Me:  
i ate as much as i normally do

Octavia:  
yeah.   
I'm a little worried

Me:  
dont be

Octavia:  
I think I should be

Me:  
y

Octavia:  
you don't eat raven  
I don't know how nobody notices

Raven felt that like a punch to the stomach. She looked at the peeled tangerine in her hand. She didn't want it anymore. Just looking at it made her throat close. She threw it away. 

Octavia:  
raven?

Me:  
what do u want me to say  
that im fucked up? that im anorexic or some bullshit?

Octavia:  
you're not fucked up

Me:  
theres nothing fucking wrong with me

Octavia:  
I don't know how severe it is but I know it's a problem  
what have you eaten today

Me:  
bellamys lunch

Octavia:  
that's it??

Me:  
it made my stomach hurt  
why does food make me sick

Raven realized abruptly she was crying. She squeezed her eyes shut and didn't open them until she felt her phone buzz in her hand. 

Octavia:  
oh raven

Me:  
i dont have an eating disorder. i dont. its not that bad. im just not hungry. 

Octavia:  
well we need to do something about it  
we will  
raven?  
still there?  
raven, don't ignore me  
good night

Raven was just glad it was Friday. She couldn't see anyone tomorrow. 

Raven curled up under the sheets, closing her eyes. 

There was nothing wrong with her. 

She just wasn't hungry.


End file.
